I shaved my legs for the first time today. I also showered and brushed my teeth before 5pm. No one will see these things, and they are for no one’s benefit, but for 20 minutes today I wanted to feel normal. Because early mom life is anything but normal.
Erinn and I have had our new people in our lives for two weeks now. And, just as being pregnant together was a solace, having babies at the same time has been a lifesaver. We check in every day, multiple times a day, to see how things are going. And not the gushing, “oh, he smiled for a second!” or “nursing went great today!” kind of crap. I’m talking about the real, hormone-induced mania of both joy and despair that only moms really get. One night this week around 1:45am, as my husband was snoring away and I was dealing with a bone-chilling latch of a boob situation, I burst into tears of gratitude when Erinn texted me to complain about things on her end. Because, as only your best and most honest tribe members will admit, being a new mom can be a really lonely, sucky existence sometimes.
And, yes, we’ve been here before. But last time we were both so terrified and paranoid and worried, that we didn’t fully understand our own situation. We both constantly felt like failures, so we weren’t able to appreciate just how freaking strong, raw, and amazing motherhood really is in those early days. And those are the days you forget first, so we wanted to pay a little tribute to the work our bodies and souls are capable of.
When we first started this blog, one of the driving forces was an epiphany I had when my son was around two. I was having a nostalgic moment and going through all his early photos when I realized that for the entire first year of his life, I wasn’t in any of the pictures. I have a million snaps of his beautiful little face, and dozens of my husband being an adorable father. But, aside from the forced family photo opps at the holidays, I wasn’t part of this physical record of his life. Because for the first year at least, I was convinced that I was too ugly, mushy, blemished, and unwashed to warrant presence in a photo. And that’s beyond stupid. I’m the one who will actually remember these moments in my kids’ childhood, so when I’m gone, I want them to have something tangible to remind them just how much I love them. I want them to be able to see how they make my face light up, how just being their mom makes me glow. And, actually, I deserve to see that too.
Because even though the moment may lack makeup, abs, and hair product, there’s something timelessly beautiful about motherhood in action. So we thought that today would be a great way to showcase that imperfect beauty during motherhood’s most fragile and powerful moments: the very beginning.
MB’s new baby girl:
Erinn’s new baby boy: