Ladies, I need to talk about boobs. Post-baby boobs in particular—you know, after breastfeeding is a distant memory and things up north have, uh, settled, so to speak. If my boobs were a folk song, they’d be “The Old Gray Mare” (“she ain’t what she used to be”). If they were a 90’s hip hop song, they’d be Puff Daddy’s “I’ll Be Missing You.” If they were Broadway characters, they went from Elphaba belting out “Defying Gravity” to the old mangy cat, Grizabella, crooning “Memories.” You get what I’m talking about.
And, truth be told, I was prepared for this change, just as I had accepted stretch marks and wider hips as a part of motherhood. But something is going on this summer that my boobs are just not loving. With all the off-the-shoulder, cold shoulder, backless, and strappy tops I’ve seen displayed on every mannequin in the northern hemisphere, I can’t help but feel a little left out on the trend. How can a post-breast-feeding mama get in on this?
Listen, gravity is a mean dame, and going braless is a single woman’s game. (That, or also the game of a woman with a fabulous plastic surgeon. And if that woman is you, do a gal a favor and pass along a contact number, will ya?) But until that happens, going braless in any one of these darling summer tops is absolutely not an option for me.
The next possibility would be to don a strapless bra and run wild about these Chicago streets with abandon and a tanned shoulder. But, let’s be real. These days, the thought of putting on a strapless bra seems like a Sisyphean task; just as I would hoist these boulders up the hill, those suckers would roll right back down. Like I said, gravity is a mean dame.
So I figured that I can’t join this army. I mean, no one wants to see the inch-wide weight-distributing straps of my favorite full-coverage, beige granny bra. So me and my girls might just have to find another fight, hunker down for a while, and wait for fall to blow this trend right out of here.
But then I had a revelation. Why am I fighting so hard to fit into a style that is clearly designed for a body that isn’t mine? If I’ve learned anything, it’s that I have to work with my body. My body needs a bra. And, yes, I know bras fall into the “undergarment” category, which implies that they be invisible to the pedestrian eye, but what if they didn’t have to be? Have you seen bras and bralettes lately? They’re adorable. What if, instead of hiding behind the bare shoulder and back trend, I flaunt my bra in a way that is clearly intentional? What if I make this a summer Bra-volution?
Other bras and bralettes I love: